Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize