i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize