my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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