Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Are we still banned from the library?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
