you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
