He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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