you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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