youre lurking in front of me
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
