i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
