it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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