That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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