Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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