Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
