Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
