Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
