i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
