I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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