I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
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