Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
