I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
