is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Houston, we have a blender
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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