I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
