I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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