I am puke
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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