playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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