I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
