He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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