let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I am midnight drunk by noon
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
