Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize