I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize