When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
