dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
