My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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