your parents love me but you hate me
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
