never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
