4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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