Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
