he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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