I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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