guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
