i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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