i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
