have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
