I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
