Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
