Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize