I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
