5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
