Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
