oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Too much gin, very little bucket
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
