In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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