Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize