IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
