Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
