69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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