I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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