it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
