went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
God I need to hump something, right now.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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