im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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