this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
