i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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