Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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