Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
