Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
